Wednesday, August 17, 2011

37 Weeks, 4 Days

Shame on me...I can't believe I haven't posted. In all fairness, the season at which this pregnancy came was a busy one. We found out we were expecting on Christmas day. The slow winter months happened at the beginning of the pregnancy-- the time when you feel like your due date is so far away that you try not to dwell on it. Then in April, we bought a house (a process that actually started in November), and wedding season started in May! Decorating, renovations, hanging out with Noah, shooting, editing, meetings..... it has flown! SUMMER has flown! It's near the end of August and I feel like I haven't so much as blinked!

It has been a fun summer though. Noah is really into swimming this year. He's mastered the use of his scuba gear in Uncle Bill's pool, and conquered his fear of the waves down the shore. At first he was thrown off a bit by the waves receding into the ocean (the illusion of moving with them), so whenever he felt like his balance was compromised, he would take on a surfer stance. It quickly became a game, as did running in and out of the water and jumping over waves. He feels invincible with his life jacket on!

I've been miserable in the heat, as any pregnant woman would be, but Keith has been great about carrying things, and playing with Noah, to keep me as cool as possible. A happy wife is a happy life. :) The two of them did lots of fun stuff down the shore on our vacation. Bike rides almost every morning-- Noah got his first two wheeler with training wheels on it. He was elated! They went to the water park on the boardwalk, and Noah loved the slides he rode with Keith. We played mini golf (where he did get a hole in one!) but he quickly lost interest. He also loves to go to Kessles and eat pancakes and sausage. As much as I wanted to be there to watch everything they did, I tried to stay in the AC as much as possible. Unfortunately our house in CT's AC doesn't blow as strong on the first floor as it does on the second, so most days the first floor was 80 degrees. I'm so thankful for the air upstairs; wouldn't have slept without it! Working out in the heat was a different story. There were only two really hot weddings though. My clients and their guests seemed impressed that I was still working while big and pregnant. One guest told me I looked as if I was about to hatch. Thanks.

Sleeping is getting hard now as the baby is getting ready to make his debut! The feeling is different, this time around. He feels heavy. Carrying Noah tired me out, but this is a different kind of tired. This little guy sticks out further in the front, like a weight that's constantly trying to flip me over. My poor belly button is now an outie as a result. Everything with the pregnancy has gone great, though. I have gained 25 pounds in total, and at my last visit, had actually lost 2 lbs. I'm not sure how...lots of water, being more active, and not having time to eat lots, I guess. Plus this awful, never ending indigestion. I swear sometimes I get it over my own saliva.

I spent a week and a half in July scouting out local preschools. After talking to a neighbor, I realized I was behind on the game if I wanted to enroll Noah in a good one. I toured a few, and after three preschools, they all start to blend. I chose the one that has the most welcoming feeling atmosphere. On Sept 12th, Noah will be a preschooler at Trinity Day School! It breaks my heart! But he is so ready...he's developed and matured by leaps and bounds. He has always been verbally expressive, but his speech has become incredible! He uses big words like 'appropriate', 'repeat', and 'esophagus'. He also makes up words to replace the ones he's not allowed to say. The word "hate" has become "dogan". To hate something is to doge it. If it's something he thinks is bad, it's something that's "dogan". Then there are the things that we say that he repeats. Whether or not he knows what they mean, I don't know. While watching a skateboarder wipe out on XGames with Brendan, he put his hand over his mouth and said "OH SWEETIE!" He learns phrases from TV like "Give it a go" from fireman sam and kipper. He thinks his British friend's accent is really "French", and the language he speaks is not English, it's just normal.

He's also growing in his little heart. I overheard a prayer, one night, for Mom Mom and Pop Pop, who were traveling to Canada that day. "Please, please protect Mom Mom and Pop Pop, God. Keep them safe. Amen." We went to Danielle's wedding last weekend, so ofcourse we had to talk about what it meant to be married, who was getting married and why. He came to the ceremony with us-- his first time in a catholic church. When he saw the crucifix, he said, "Look Mommy!! *point* it's the X! It's the cross that Jesus died on! I see it with my own eyes!" He learned about Jesus dying on the cross in Vacation Bible School.

Noah is elated to be a big brother. The baby's kicks feel more pronounced this time around-- probably because of his 'cliff-hanging' resting place stretching me to the max. Sometimes it draws an audible protest from me, and then Noah takes charge. "Baby, stop that right now. I don't want to tell you again". He decided early on that he would like to call the baby Mickey Mouse. I told him that he was allowed, but that Mommy and Daddy have to decide what they want to call him, and it will be different than Mickey Mouse. I've been organizing and cleaning, unpacking and washing, all in prep for the baby. Despite his denial about his old clothes still fitting him, I know Noah will be great with the baby. Two friends of mine have infants, and he is so gentle with them, always careful to include them, and guide them. He's such a precious kid. He was awfully concerned when I told him I would have to go to the 'hopspital' to have the baby, but after I explained it, he seemed ok. I'm praying someone will be available, when I go into labor, that he is comfortable being with. He gets along with anyone, though, so I shouldn't be worried. Most of my OBGYN visits have been one big long conversation between Noah and the Doctors. He helps with the equipment, asks what this pedal does, and that button. One OB he invited over for dinner. "Ask your husband if you can come," he says. "Bring your kids!" He's a charmer. He LOVES making new friends, and falls instantly in love!

Speaking of in love... we did a Gymboree class that was like a mock preschool class. He took quite nicely to a little cutie named Emma. I told him how Emma said to her Grandmom that she liked him because he made her laugh, and he was so proud. He told me that she is his girlfriend. He likes her yellow hair.

Yellow. *sigh* the color that he has also fallen in love with! Every art project that his Gymbo teachers would talk him into doing had yellow on them somehow. Even if the paper was dark, and you couldn't see the crayon on it, he would use yellow. We were having trouble getting Noah to sleep in his own bed, so I bought yellow sheets. I washed them and put them on in the same day. He couldn't have been happier! Then the next night, we were back to the rut of him not wanting to go to bed. I asked him why he didn't want to sleep there. He said it was because his walls didn't match his yellow sheets. So I painted the room. 4 coats later, he seems happy, so I ignore the obnoxious caution-sign-shade that glows into the hallway from his door. He's getting bunk beds soon, and already has big plans to sleep on top. I hope they are delivered before the baby is!

Stuff is so much more surreal when you're little. He tried to get Icky/Ick/Icholas to climb into a lifeboat hanging from the ceiling at B&B while we were shopping down the shore. It doesn't help that we feed into it with him....you know, doing stuff like telling him that the sign on the back of the airplane that flys over the beach says "Hi Noah!".

*sigh* so my sweet little love bug is growing up. Man the stuff that happens when I blink. I'm loving the little boy he's becoming, but it's so sad that the time has gone so fast. I'm glad the winter will be settling in just as the baby comes...hopefully the time won't be busy enough to wisk those early months away too quickly. I have moments when I look at Noah, or watch him interact with Keith, or listen to a sentence he's trying to hard to build just right, to show me what he's thinking, and I'm absolutely taken by him. I love him more than I ever thought I could love. To think of giving that much love to another doesn't seem possible! I know I will be able to- it's in my capacity as a mother-- but I still can't wrap my head around it. It's funny, I find part of me feeling almost jealous for Noah, that this little baby will rob him of the attention and love I so desperately want to give him. It's ridiculous, I know. I'm anxious to fall in love with this baby, and be blown away by how much love can double in a life.

I've planned with my doctor and midwife to do a VBAC. The hospital has to have an OR on standby, fully staffed, while I'm in labor, incase of complication. The doctor has to be present at the hospital, and my midwife will be there with me during labor itself. I hope and PRAY that it's successful...that I can experience labor and delivery the way God intended. Naturally, I'm a bit anxious about it. I have to keep re-centering on trusting God. I'm hoping I go into labor no later than Aug 30th, as my OB wants to schedule a c-section for 41 weeks. She doesn't want me to go past that so as to minimize stress on my scar.

I'm bummed that I didn't document this pregnancy like I did the last one, but honestly, I'm also kind of not. When I was pregnant for the first time, the only other part of life I was juggling was work, so of ourse, all the life changes ahead were at the forefront of my mind the whole time. What would it be like to have a child? How would it feel? What would he be like? How would my body change, and manage to give life to another? And I went through it all, and experienced the love and excitement of having a child, and watching him discover and transform and grow into what he is now! This time around, I'm still making those observations on the day-to-day, and my anticipations with this pregnancy have changed. I already know what it's like to be pregnant, and have even decided that I don't really like it, but it's worth the outcome. So I'm not all caught up in the technicalities of it. This time, I find myself wondering what he will look like-- whether he will look like Noah, or Keith or myself. What will his temperament be? How will he and Noah get along? And unfortunately they're all things I can't blog about until he's here! :) Thus the focus shift. I do want to document closely all the things I'm wondering about when he is here, though. Especially the relationship between he and Noah. Right down to the nitty gritty: what will his name be?? :)

On that note, I'm going to bed. Life is good.
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